Imagine Meeting Megan Fox and Saying ‘I Am Weed’

I can’t imagine being as obsessed with anything as Machine Gun Kelly and Megan Fox are obsessed with each other. In a recent interview with British GQ, the couple talked about … well, mostly each other and their ooky-spooky love. The article starts with the two of them tattooing the words “the darkest fairytale” on each other, because of course it does. MGK says the tattoo Fox gave him “looks like a fairy ghost did it” and “it’s all haunted.” And that’s just the first two paragraphs.

There is so much to take in in this interview. Fox says she is “famously … an unusual person.” The couple talks about how their relationship causes both of them to “face their shadow selves” and about the time they took mushrooms together in Bora Bora. Also, I learned MGK has a 13-year-old daughter. Then, there’s the photo shoot.

In one picture, the couple appears to re-create the image that accompanied the short story “Cat Person.” In another, Fox is holding a gun to MGK’s crotch. However, the best part comes when the couple talks about how neither of them really remember the very first time they met.

“We didn’t see each other,” Fox says. When she asks MGK if he remembers seeing her face that first time they met, he says, “‘I don’t. I don’t remember your face.” What Fox does remember is “this tall, blond, ghostly creature, and I looked up and I was like, ‘You smell like weed.’ He looked down at me and he was like, ‘I am weed.’ Then, I swear to God, he disappeared like a ninja in a smoke bomb.”

The three little words everyone longs to hear: I am weed.

The man met his his teenage crush, a woman whose poster he had on his bedroom wall, and called himself “weed.” If these two ever get married — and they better!!! — that should be the entirety of their wedding vows.