Johnny Logan Sacrificed In Satanic Ritual Ahead Of Bambi Thug Eurovision Performance
FRIENDS, family members and fans of two-time winner of the Eurovision Johnny Logan paid their respects today after the 69-year-old Irish singer was sacrificed in a special satanic ritual held on the hill of Tara last night.
Thousands gathered in a bid to summon the dark lord lucifer ahead of Irish hopeful Bambi Thug’s performance tonight in Sweden and secure qualification for next Saturday’s final.
“If they make it through, Linda Martin is on the block next Thursday night,” organisers for the Satanic ritual told WWN, as the still beating heart of Johnny Logan was held high before the traditional drinking of his blood began late last night.
Ireland, desperate to reclaim its crown for having the most ever Eurovision wins, was denounced by the local Catholic church for putting through a non-binary gothic style act into the competition, however backers defended their decision.
“Hung for a sheep as a sacrificial lamb,” defended a spokesperson behind the Irish act, “since they’ve all turned their backs on Bambi, we’ve immersed ourselves in Satanism and it just may be enough to win the Eurovision outright”.
Part of the proposed deal with the devil will also entail the ritual sacrifice of Louis Walsh, a contract clause welcomed by everyone.
“Look, we’ll leave this one slide,” the archbishop concluded.
